Jun
15
2012
2
May
25
2012
0
May
01
2012
1

samuel l catson

Written by Johne in: lol | Tags: , , , ,
May
01
2012
0

the real stanley cup

Written by Johne in: lol | Tags: , , , , , , ,
May
01
2012
0

puns galore

Written by Johne in: lol | Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,
Apr
28
2012
0
Apr
11
2012
0

sidney cosby

Written by Johne in: lol | Tags: , , , , , , ,
Apr
09
2012
0
Apr
08
2012
1

12 McFlurries

“I often wonder how I survived my early 20′s… On one particular occasion a friend gave me Ambien x2 & Xanax x2 while we were out bar hopping. I had never taken either drug before, so naturally I popped em all at once. Big mistake Indy. The next morning I woke up behind a Best Buy in a pile of cardboard with no memory of the previous night. No phone, no wallet, no car keys. The only thing in my pocket was a McDonalds receipt. Upon closer inspection of the receipt I saw a ridiculous total like $40, so I check out the item list: 1 dozen McFlurries. WTF? Im about a half hour away from the last bar I remember being at, but I am familiar with the area so I decided to walk to the McDonalds to see if my car was there. It wasn’t. I go inside to see if I can get a cab or call a friend to come get me, and one of the employees apparently recognizes me, I hear him whisper to a co-worker, “That’s the guy I was telling you about right there!”. I told him I was on some new meds and basically don’t remember anything. He told me that I ordered 20 ice cream cones but when I got to the drive-thru window I had no way to hold them so I demanded a dozen Mcflurries instead. After paying, they instructed me to pull my car up out of the way while they make my order. For some reason this set me off. Dude said that I went berserk screaming about how the devil was going to eat my soul unless I sacrificed enough Mcflurries to appease him (or something like that). Then, according to him, I turned off my car, still parked at the drive-thru window, and proceeded to toss my keys inside before running off into the night screaming. They had towed my car a few hours earlier but thankfully didn’t call the police. I really consider it a miracle that I didn’t hurt myself or anyone else that night. And to boot I never got my Mcflurries.”

Written by Johne in: lol | Tags: , , , , , , , ,
Apr
08
2012
2

the greatest lie ever told

“While working in the US, I’m Canadian, I convinced a group of Americans that it is illegal to make your own ice in Canada, that you had to buy it from an approved licensed retailer and that it cost ~$12-$15 a bag, depending on the quality (lake ice vs glacier ice). One member of the group brought in an ice cube tray, which I pretended I had never seen before and they proceeded to “teach me how to make ice”. After about an hour, a Canadian colleague (who was also in on the joke) and I took the ice out of the freezer and tested the homemade ice (we said it was OK… better than lake quality, but not quite glacier quality). They told us we could keep the ice cube tray to bring back to Canada, but I pretended to be so worried that I might get caught smuggling it across the border and sent to jail for tax evasion (you see, the reason ice is so expensive is it’s taxed so high to pay for health care, education, etc).”

Written by Johne in: lol | Tags: , , , , , ,
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